Translation: “The one I let you borrow the first time you slept over at my place? I’m really flattered that you want to hold on to it, but it’s mine and I want it back.” 19. “Hey, do you know where my sweatshirt is?” Translation: “I’ve been trying to get you to dump me for three months now and this is as close as I can get to doing it myself.” 18. You don’t make me go to vegan restaurants, and you order things I like, which means I can finish what you don’t eat.
![we got a dick attached to us and thats gay meme we got a dick attached to us and thats gay meme](https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/uZ0JzufNLGK1ulT0XGE_qyQFsF0=/0x0:2000x1125/1600x900/media/img/2019/12/WEL_Orenstein_Opener/original.jpg)
Translation: “This is not a slam on your weight at all, so please don’t take it that way. Translation: “I know I just killed the mood, but I’m really insecure and I need validation that I was at least adequate in bed and that you’ll give me another chance at it. RELATED: 7 Money Moves For Homeowners During The Coronavirus Crisis That doesn’t mean I don’t want you looking your best.” It takes forever, it smells weird and if I touch you or kiss you, it gets all over me. Just don’t paint yourself up like a clown. Translation: “I don’t know what I’m talking about. “I like a girl who doesn’t wear any makeup.” Don’t worry about it, it’s not a big deal, and it’s probably stupid anyway. Translation: “If you don’t get it, I can’t explain it. Translation: “Oh, shit, you took that much worse than I thought you would.” 13. Translation: “I watch a ton of porn, but my last girlfriend found my Internet search history this one time and made me feel kinda like a freak about it, so this is just a flat-out lie. You see, I love naked women, but I like women who might actually have sex with me much, much more.” 10. Translation: “Of course they’re gross, but I still go to them in a pinch. Translation: “I’ve cut down to three times a day.” 9. Translation: “Oh, shit, I was using humor to express something I believed to be profoundly true, and you saw right through it. RELATED: 4 Coronavirus Money Moves To Make During The Pandemic I’ll probably slit my wrists if I have to go through that again.” Translation: “This is going well and I’m very attracted to you, but please, please, please, if you’re crazy, reveal it as soon as possible. Translation: “Could you pretty, pretty please with sugar on top… shut the fuck up?” 6. Translation: “We’ve been arguing about this for hours and I just can’t take it anymore. If I had, we probably wouldn’t still be friends.” 4. Translation: “I’m flattered by your jealousy and I swear I’ve never had sex with her. So, for the love of God, just tell me where we’re going to eat tonight.” 3. This is not a test and I’m not trying to be difficult. If I actually do care about a choice you give me, I swear I will tell you. Since we’re probably going to end up doing what you want to do anyway, let’s just skip the conversation and go straight to that. Translation: “You have presented me with an option that, while clearly very important to you, is not a big deal to me at all. It won’t hurt my feelings, and that’s me saying exactly what I fucking mean. This is meant exclusively for the purpose of entertainment, but if you want to sound off about it and call me an asshole or an idiot, feel free. That being said, here’s a little guide for some of the basic things that men tend to say and how those things can likely be interpreted. Sucks, I get it, but it’s not the end of the world. If you find out later they were lying or trying to manipulate you or whatever, then that’s not someone you want to be with. My recommendation is this: If you suspect there’s a difference between what someone says and what’s really behind it, before you let your mind run wild with your own interpretations and then marrying whatever conclusions you land on, just ask, “What do you mean by that?” If they give you the same answer, then fucking accept it and move on. Women interpret what we say using their logic. We say certain things with our logic applied to them. These incredibly different approaches to thinking just might be the root of all those communication issues men and women face, don’t you think? And it also might have something to do with why men are often left scratching their heads in confusion when we’re presented with how women reach certain conclusions.
#WE GOT A DICK ATTACHED TO US AND THATS GAY MEME PLUS#
It’s that “linear thinking” you’ve heard about - according to science, men take the simplest, most direct route to accomplish what they’re trying to accomplish (A plus B equals C) whereas women are more contextual and emotional in their thought processes (A plus B, minus logic, plus mood, divided by whatever’s going at the moment, multiplied by the past and covered in chocolate sauce equals C unless she wants it to equal D). Lying d-bags and manipulative a-holes aside, there tends to be very little distance between what we say and we mean. Men are, by and large, very simple creatures.